As a new mom, all I ever hear and read is other moms bragging about how cute/smart/advanced their child is.
“Johnny started crawling today! He’s only two months old!”
“Jane smiled at me this morning! She was born last night!”
“Jack made the sign for milk today! I just showed him how to do it yesterday!”
Ok, so maybe that’s not entirely accurate. Their names are more likely to be Jayden, Brooklynn, and Donut, but you get the picture.
After reading something like this, I often pause and look down at my own daughter’s angelic face as she’s nursing. As she looks back up at me with those big eyes in a shade that closely matches my own, I wonder what the hell I’m doing wrong. Because lurking beneath that sweet face and long those long lashes is Satan’s mistress. Of course, that’s only sometimes. Mostly I think she just channels Satan directly.
“Lilith screamed at me for three hours and nothing could stop her and now I’m locked in the bathroom, my sobbing drowned by the sound of the running tap! How cute is that?!”
“Day 78 of signing! It’s going AWESOME! Still no sign of recognition and no reciprocation, but I think that there’s a remote possibility that we’re getting there! YAY!”
“OMG!!! :) :) Another scream-fest, but she stopped as soon as Daddy walked in the door and gave him the biggest smile! I totally felt like a failure! :) :)”
I must be the only one. I never hear anything the likes of which I myself would say. Or maybe there are others. Others locked behind bathroom doors. Others sobbing as their munchkin demands to be worn so that they can bite and pinch them endlessly, giggling all the while.
Come out of your hiding places, my tortured comrades! Let’s show those braggart bitches and starry-eyed mothers-to-be what motherhood is really about! At the very least, we can let some other poor, weeping soul know that they are not alone.
